Love is a decision
By Lily
Photos by Yao Fan



中年期的心理危机是人人都将会遇到的现象, 现代社会尤其难免. 人到中年, 伴随着来自事业, 婚姻, 家庭等方面的压力, 头疼, 失眠, 忧郁常常光顾他们的生活. 如何调适中年期的心理, 变"危机"为"生机", 使后半段人生更丰富更有意义? 旅居厦门的"半个中国人"葛约翰先生有着自己独特的诠释.

If you've entered the middle phase of your life and are constantly plagued by headaches and insomnia, perplexed by a difficult relationship with your spouse, troubled by a lack of desire and motivation for work and exercise, then you are experiencing the beginnings of a so called mid-life crisis.

People are enjoying all the conveniences brought by rapid scientific advances and industrialization, but they suffer from the pressures these changes bring as well. For middle-aged people, especially for men, striving for better a job and pay can dominate their lives. Relaxed moments reserved for family and looking after one's health are squeezed almost out of existence. Many face a balancing act between a healthy life and a busy career.

Are there any useful ways to cope with this crisis when so many middle-aged people are struggling to maintain a healthy attitude towards life and work? Mr. John Ge, an American Educative counselor, now working in Xiamen Care Corner, explained to us some of his valuable hints and "principles" for living a balanced, healthy life, specially formulated for middle-aged men.



To quote the famous "Counseling and master planning" of Bob Biehl, an American writer, there are six aspects which must be considered in developing a happy, healthy life: financial, physical, professional, spiritual, social, family and marriage.

1 FINANCIAL
How MUCH money you make is not as important as how WELL you use it. Try to live wisely and set priorities in the ways you spend money. It's true that you have to work for money, so as to maintain a decent life, but money does not necessarily bring satisfaction. It is important to make a financial master plan with your wife. This helps you avoid debts that add to your problems and tension.

2 PHYSICAL
Regular exercise at least once a week will not guarantee you a well-built physique, but it will contribute to a sound and clear mind. Avoid unhealthy eating habits such as love for junk food, too much alcohol and lack of vegetables.

3 PROFESSIONAL
Your job brings you satisfaction, NOT money. Be clear whether you love or hate your job. If the latter applies and you have no chance of finding another job, you should try volunteering in a field you are fond of. You will soon find out if you get satisfaction from this work, which could then enable you to find new employment.

4 SPIRITUAL
Understand and spend time on such questions as "Where do I come from?", "What kind of life do I really want?" Think about the nature of life. Mostly we are too busy to take time to ponder the seemingly simple yet essential things in our lives.

5 SOCIAL
Most 40 to 50 year old men lack a close male friend, with whom they can share their anxieties and worries and seek constructive advice and help. They would rather "repress" these problems deep inside themselves, or drink as an outlet, until they can no longer maintain the strong "mask" and break down. This can lead to bad temper, worse health and family tension. Try to enlarge your circle of acquaintances and find a friend you can really talk to.

6 FAMILY AND MARRIAGE
Always regard a date with your spouse as your most important business appointment. Never neglect your daily communication and exchanges with your wife and kids. In your relationship pyramid, your spouse should be at the top; your wife should be your no. 1 "client".
"Of course these six factors interplay with each other and, to be on the track of a happy life, you should always bear in mind that love is a decision. Everything is to love or not to love. It's so simple."



John Ge currently enjoys a happy family life with his wife, a Taiwanese who shares many interests with him. Presently he is immersed in assisting people with psychological troubles and problems at the Xiamen Care Corner, a Singaporean clinic which he joined in early 2005. His presentations at the Xiamen Care Corner have attracted many couples and people of various occupations.

"Our kids have got used to our daily ‘couch time' and I'm sure they know from us what love means. When you choose to, you love, no matter whether it is your job, your health or your intimacy with your spouse."

Vocabulary
cardiovascular 心血管的
hormone 激素
skinny 瘦的
oestrogen 雌激素
fecundity 生育力
asthma 哮喘
spouse 配偶
intimacy 亲密

Health garden

Cola, not coffee, linked to blood pressure
可乐可致高血压
A recent paper suggests that drinking coffee will not result in high blood pressure in women; women who consume the most coffee may even get a protective cardiovascular effect. However, there is a link between hypertension and cola consumptions, independent of whether the soft drinks were sugared or diet.



Hip, waist size predict heart risk
臀腰围比例预示心脏健康状况
It has long been thought that fat people are more at risk of a heart attack, but doctors say today that it all depends on where the fat is. A large bottom and thighs could be positively healthy - a "beer belly", on the other hand, spells trouble, no matter how skinny the person may be elsewhere.



Fertile women have good looks
生育力强女性容貌佼好
The latest study suggests women with attractive faces tend to have higher levels of the sex hormone oestrogen, which indicates that features such as large eyes and lips are linked to higher fertility and make women appear to be more attractive. The female sex hormone oestrogen is thought to be the mediator of beauty, which advertises health and fecundity.



Study links hamburgers to asthma
多吃汉堡孩子易患哮喘
New Zealand researchers released that the more hamburgers the kids eat, the bigger the risks of asthma attacks. Diets containing junk foods which are high in salt could be contributing to the problem. Asthma occurs in every country in the world and about six percent of the population are affected in developed countries. New Zealand has one of the highest rates at 20 percent.