Living together or not?

成家立业之后,是否还应该和父母同住?这已经成为不少年轻人头疼的问题.虽然可以彼此照顾,但不同的生活方式,不同的作息习惯,婆媳问题...大大小小的矛盾让彼此都很困扰.究竟该怎么办呢?本期英语沙龙特别邀请了两位日本朋友和三位中国女士各抒己见,希望能对读者有所启迪.

Beneficial for both



Linda Zhang is currently studying in WECL.

Several generations living together has long been a trait that could be used to describe a happy family in China. However, with globalization, the Chinese style of living has become more and more westernized and it seems to be outdated for both young people and the elderly to live together now.

For young people, living by themselves is beneficial in several ways. They can develop themselves freely without having to convince their parents that it's right, they can keep their privacy from being encroached, and most importantly, they can become more independent through managing their own home. In the past, most urban young people chose to live with their parents because they were busy with work and their parents could help them with housework as well as fostering their children. However, nowadays housework has become highly socialized in cities. Hiring a housekeeper can help tackle both tasks which were left to the elderly before.

For the elderly, it is widely accepted to have a more colorful elderly life through living by themselves after being dedicated to their children for many years. Compared to being a housekeeper or a baby-sitter of young people, they prefer traveling with their partner or learning something they are interested in but didn't have time to do so when they were young. Most of our parent generations have gone through very hard times; they struggled to feed their parents and children apart from enjoying their own lives. To be filial children and help our parent generation have a wonderful life, young people should support the elderly in doing what they want to do whole-heartedly.

In conclusion it all boils down to one point: different generations living alone is an unavoidable trend with the development of our society whether we like it or not.

Lucky me living with my parents



Attracted by the beauty and tranquility of Xiamen, Lily Bai settled down here five years ago and quit her job at an import and export business. Now, standing on the cross roads of life, she is trying her best to move forward and she does believe that tomorrow will be better.

One of my friends called from Beijing, and he told me that after staying with him for two months, his parents had left for their hometown. He said, "I can finally take a long breath." I was a little bit surprised by this. "You don't know," he said, "when they were here, I couldn't smoke or stay up late. I couldn't watch my favorite movies day and night as before and I even couldn't stay in the bathroom for too long of a time. Ha, now I am free again!"

I guess that a lot of young people prefer staying alone after growing up. However, it is quite different in my case. After middle school, I have been staying far away from my parents for nearly 15 years. It used to be my dream that all of us could stay together again and share the happiness of a big family. In 2001, my dream came true when my parents moved to Xiamen after retirement.

However, instead of making their life easier, they are busy with endless household chores everyday: taking care of my baby, doing the cleaning, going grocery shopping and cooking three meals a day. I offered to hire a part-time maid, but they refused instantly. With them working so hard, I can have time to chat with my friends, or to go out with my colleagues. After experiencing so much hardship, I was sometimes asked by my friends, "How come you are still so optimistic and you sound so happy everyday?" I smiled and replied, "Because I am so lucky to have my parents here with me!"

The aged need more freedom



Cathy, a girl from Liaoning Province, loves Xiamen very much and wants to enjoy the beauty of Xiamen in every aspect.

China is a country with good traditional virtue. Most Chinese show great respect to senior citizens. It is a common phenomenon that three or five generations live together under the same roof. The youth think it is their responsibility to take care of the aged, and living together can accomplish it better. All that they do is rooted in presenting a tribute to the aged.

In my opinion, it is not a good idea to make the aged and the youth live together. Indefinitely, it is really necessary to show respect and take care of the aged. But the aged need more freedom to live their own life. They have their own ideas and ways of doing things. If the youth live together with the aged, there will be some misunderstandings and quarrels, which may hurt the feelings of both sides. The generation gap still exists all over the world. We can call on them occasionally and let them feel our love and care for them.

We have many ways to express our love for the aged. It is most important to let both the youth and the aged live comfortably. It is another form of respect to let the aged live an independent and free life.

Positive and negative sides



Hello. My name is Takeshi. I come from Japan. I am now studying Chinese in Xiamen University. I just came here in September 2004. I like playing the piano and keyboard.

I think there are both positive things and negative things about the two different generations living together.

If you live together, the young can learn many things from the old, how to give respect to the old, how to sympathize with other people and how to co-operate with other people. They can also learn the right attitude and manners from the old. These things are really important when you go out in society. You can also share the housework. So when you are working they can really help you, like cooking, cleaning and so on.

The negative thing is, their lifestyles are usually totally different. For example, young people stay up late and the old go to bed early. Furthermore, they have different ideas about life, so can they talk about the same topics together? If you get married, can your wife or husband continue being good friends with your parents or grandparents? And the most difficult thing is, if your parents or your grandparents get sick or old and if they need someone's help, can you take care of them or do you want to?

In conclusion, if you really love your family, you should live with the old.

With older people



Kako is Japanese and has lived in China for about two years. She is in Shenzhen now to improve her written Chinese.

In Japan, fewer and fewer couples decide to live with their parents these days. Traditionally, it was taken for granted that the oldest son's family live with and take care of their parents. My father is the oldest son, but he decided to have an independent family when he married. My grandparents and my family have not been very close; I visited them only once or twice a year. Living with them for a longer period of time is kind of beyond my imagination.

Living with older people involves a lot of universal problems. The difference between the two generations' way of thinking and doing things often leads to conflicts and misunderstandings. Some decades ago, when life was not as convenient as today, older people had no choice but rely on their children. But now, daily routines are highly automated and the service for seniors is varied and specialized.

I think a similar change has been happening in China, too. Yet, Confucianism - which stresses the importance of respecting the elderly - is more deeply rooted in people's minds. I was told that in China, all the children take on the responsibility of looking after their parents, and it's quite natural that each child takes turns to live with the parents. This tradition sometimes causes an ugly conflict of shifting responsibilities within family members.

I'm ashamed to admit that I don't exactly know how to live harmoniously with senior citizens. I just think that they have to be respected and cared for simply because they deserve it. I sometimes think I may now lack something important by not having lived with my grandparents.

We all become old. After all, considering and helping older people is considering and helping us. Isn't it?